xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxI've forgotten my password and I can't get on!

xxxxxYears ago there was a television show called "Password." With the TV program you were supplied a word, which was the password, and were asked for another word. Today "password" has an entirely different meaning. I think it's another word for "hell." On the show you were given a clue, but today, with the new game, you aren't given a chance. You need to provide both an ID as well as a password. Unfortunately, you can't decline to play this game unless you are a hermit.
xxxxxThe good news is that you set up your ID and password once and for all, but you do have the option to change it when you desire or when you happen to forget either of these. The bad news is that you can't write it down or shouldn't record what you created. You don't want others to see it. There's more bad news. You have to set up more pairs of IDs and passwords for your bank account, internet access, Amazon account, retirement accounts and just about anything else that involves the business world. Moreover, some companies may require you to change your password every month. It gets even worse as some businesses ask for the name of your pet or your father's maiden name to get on the system. "Password" used to be fun.
xxxxxNot long ago I tried to log on to the Internet. Usually I click on the connect button and I'm on, but that day I got an "invalid password" message. My password is always there but not that day so I had to enter it. I was 99% sure of my password but what I keyed didn't work. I called the help desk and was told that I could call a 900 number for technical support, which would cost me about $2 a minute. I was also told that I could get a resolution to my difficulty through an email at no expense. Unfortunately I couldn't email anyone since I was without Internet access, but I could use a friend's PC. I wrote down the email address to get me out of this predicament, and headed off to use the resources at my local library.
xxxxxAt the library, I decided to go to the provider's site and try my luck there. Soon I went to the login screen, which had an option for people who forget their password. The result of this endeavor is that you will be emailed your correct password. That might take time, like days. I'll get into more helpful ideas later but let me add that to make my life easier, I use a four-digit number for a password on one account and the same four digits followed by 'XX' for another. Had I tried the latter combination for the password initially, I would have been home free and I would have saved a few hours and avoided buying a new lamp to replace the one that I threw against the wall. I thought it would bounce back and not break. For me, password purgatory had evolved into password hell.
xxxxxIf you use the Internet, you have at least two passwords to worry about. If you live in the twenty first century, you most likely have a dozen of those gems to remember, and that's being conservative. I have many more than that, but that may have to do with the fact that though I care about the environment and conservation, I'm a progressive. When you count them all up, you will probably see that you have more passwords than I have, and that's only the tip of the iceberg, where all passwords should go.
xxxxx I spent over twenty years as a computer consultant. At one of my recent contracts, I had close to a dozen passwords, and they couldn't all be the same due to the various rules of each system. There was one to log on to the PC, a LAN password, one for my phone, another for my email and a few more for mainframe testing. I needed another four or five passwords because I had to test different systems. If you haven't lost count, it's now up to about ten. To use the ATM, another password is required. If my funds are depleted, I can get dough with a cash advance, but I have to remember still another keyword. For other accounts that I haven't mentioned, there are more passwords. I use E-Z Pass, so they provided two passwords, one for Internet access and the other if I care to use phone access. Here is one case where I didn't double my pleasure. If I want to go see my boss, I need a password to enter his office, which I've forgotten so I don't talk to him. Still, with so many passwords, there's a high likelihood that I will forget one or confuse passwords, unless I record them somewhere.
xxxxxI eliminated many of the password problems when I retired from consulting at the end of 2001. I continued my third career as a writer in earnest, and developed my own web site, but guess what? I now have more passwords than when I was a consultant. These evil things seem to be following me around. I did have some ideas that I used and can still be helpful in this putrid password pit.
xxxxxLet us assume that we need to worry about six passwords. How do you remember them all? You can't write them down, as that would defeat the purpose. Someone could find the list and all security would be lost. With our half dozen, there are probably that many different systems with all their different rules, as one system may require numbers only, a second, letters of the alphabet only, while a third may let you use either. One account requires you to begin a word with a number while a second demands that you start with a letter. At the same time a third system may not have a restriction in this regard. Don't forget about the difference between upper case and lower case, another potential headache. One password has to be only six characters, another from four to eight and a third might be from five to nine positions.
xxxxx If things aren't confusing enough, some systems may not allow you to use the same letter twice in succession. One system may not let you use similar words when you have to change passwords. I ran into that restriction and how the software concluded that two different words were similar, I couldn't figure out. Another system may require you to change that magic word once a month while another password may only need to be changed every ninety days, while some systems may allow you to keep the same one without ever changing it. At one company where I worked, different people would change certain passwords for our group once a month. If you're faced with that scenario, just pray that they let you know of the alteration.
xxxxxThere are further rules, such as the password cannot spell out the name of a New York City taxi driver or you can't use an "O" with a slash through it. You can't use wingdings in your password and no obscene words are allowed. Some businesses spoil all the fun. On one contract, I was handed a sheet of password rules and guidelines. One suggestion was to take the first letter of each word of a phase, such as "Be aware Reggie feels television is more enjoyable," and use that as your magic word. This would result in BARFTIME, but is that any easier to remember than YQSKPHW, which I got by randomly hitting keys in front of me. Some of you may think that that combination is the name of a Russian diplomat. If you follow this recommendation, you now have to remember a different phase for each password. That will certainly make the situation a great deal better.
xxxxxJust when you think you have it all figured out, the people in password security (PS) change the rules. Banks are one of my favorite places - more on them later - and they change the rules more than I change my socks - well, they don't do it everyday, but they do get carried away. When they increase the size of a password, they could allow existing passwords to still work - I think that's called grandfathering, though neither of mine had to put up with passwords - but that wouldn't get enough people upset. All these changes are done because the designers want to have so many combinations of symbols to protect the users of the system. So then why don't they add a requirement that you have to use at least one Chinese character in the password and some of the letters should be upside down or backward? Maybe "PS" stands for "particularly stupid." What about having two passwords per account, with one for days of the week ending in an odd number and the other for even? It worked during the fuel crisis of the 1970s.
xxxxxI wish I could say that what I described above encompasses all the rules you will run into, but these will surely change. What I suggest to make our lives easier is to standardize the rules and simplify them for all passwords on all systems. Having fewer rules will be beneficial. Allow numbers and letters of the alphabet with no distinction between upper case and lower, but don't require either. Words that people can remember should not be ruled out. If these combinations have to be changed at all, make the change necessary on January 1 and July 1 each year and no other time.
xxxxxI may also suggest that once the rules are made, no changes should be allowed to them at any time. Perhaps PC's could be made more secure so that hackers can't get anywhere close to them. Also, why do you need a password if you have a logon ID? When you consider it, this combination of ID and password is really two passwords, isn't it?
xxxxxSince my suggestions about standardization won't be implemented soon enough for most of us, we need another solution right now. While consulting, I did my best by using the same password or at least the basis - and for the most part this worked. But one month while doing the synchronized change, I ran into a snag. It seems one system changed the rules for everyone. Before, you could use a password of six characters, but now you had to have at least seven. This threw a monkey wrench into my system but I solved it by adding an 'X' at the end. A '9' would work if you needed to have at least one number present. Note that you can use these additional characters at the beginning of the word just as well, depending on the rules. To take care of the different time requirements, what I did was change all the words after a month even if they didn't have to be changed. Because of the need for an extra '9' or 'X' for some passwords, you will need to be aware of what goes where. Trying all combinations will just take too long. I really think that you need to write down something to keep your sanity.
xxxxxMy system still wasn't foolproof but it made the entire process somewhat manageable. Of course, I had another concern as I had to remember all the variations. To keep the phone synchronized with the other stuff I made a list of words that corresponded to the numbers on the keypad and tried to use easy to remember combinations such as 667667 and 333363 which translated into MORONS (appropriate, isn't it?) and DEFEND respectively, both valid in their system.
To accomplish this task of synchronization, you can write a computer program - not an option for everyone - to translate a six or seven character word into the equivalent telephone number conversion. Just decide on the length of the word you want, go to the dictionary and then get all the words that fit. That is probably the hardest part as the computer program to do the conversion is relatively simple. You can even rule out certain words in your program based on restrictions set forth. Finally print out the list of words and their equivalent and take your choice of what you think is a good word for the month. Just make sure your boss doesn't catch you doing this. He may not be too happy, but if he does come around, tell him you're doing password maintenance.
xxxxxYou can take this process one step further and either sell others your password computer program or the list of words. You fellow employees can still use the program without any software experience. Once again, be weary of management snoops. But if you do get canned because of your efforts, you can use the program at your next job and even make some cash doing this. The possibilities are almost endless. You can to turn a troublesome situation into a moneymaking endeavor. Don't report these monetary gains to the IRS.
xxxxxAs grim and confusing as all these suggestions and actions are, you have one last option: call the security help desk. Actually, annoying them as often as possible might be a really good idea. Besides, you won't ever again have to worry about forgetting any of your passwords or writing them down - the less paperwork, the better. This will certainly slow down your productivity, as you may have to wait for the security people to get back to you. However, you get paid by the hour, so why should you give a hoot? Just remember to always look busy and you should be fine. It may even cost you, but the company where you work will wind up footing the bill. This suggestion to frequently call the help desk isn't worth squat if you are self-employed or retired. Nevertheless, make every effort to never forget your ATM password.
I think I have come up with a password that I hope to use for all my accounts, everywhere: "With_liburty_and_justice_4_awl." It meets the requirements that you need numbers, letters of the alphabet and even the caps thing. You'll note that I changed the spelling of two words to thwart the hackers. My only concern is for the underscores and the length. Nonetheless, I think giving up "liberty" is worth the security.
xxxxxIt really is amazing what we are put through just to be productive. How can you not forget a password every so often? When you really think about it, the people who these magic combinations of letters and numbers are supposed to keep out of the system, namely the hackers, don't have any problem with passwords. They're in without them while the normal users are locked out.