Writing Humor

Writing Humor

The importance of laughter

Laughter is the best medicine and it’s available

even if you don’t have health insurance.

Good health

The quote above is mine and can be found on the dedication page of my latest book, for seeing eye dogs only. The title is intentionally not capitalized. If you haven’t read it, it’s a humorous look at missing intelligence, just what we all need to get away from this crazy world and all its problems.

Laughing can be a lifesaver. The more you laugh, the less stress will you have. It can also prevent heart attacks, stomach disorders and help lower your blood pressure. It can even help you heal better after surgery. It costs nothing but can be the cure that you need.

You can improve your life and your sense of humor in numerous ways. I was driving home from a conference recently when I thought about a couple that I had the pleasure of studying with while at the State University of New York at Binghamton. We enjoyed quite a few dinners but many laughs as well. There were times when we were laughing so hard that we were crying. That’s the kind of time we should all engage in as it really will prolong our lives.

Hanging out with people who have a sense of humor can only benefit you and embellish your sense of humor. Even if your friends are not blessed with this comedic gift, you can have an effect on them and spread your ability to laugh. As it makes its way to them, they will in turn make you chuckle as well. There’s not a thing wrong with that.

Sales

As a writer, your mission is keep readers turning the pages. That’s how you get to sell books. Your goal as a writer is to have your audience pick up your book and not put it down until they have finished it. If they start at 11 pm, finish it, miss work the next day and are subsequently fired from their job, that’s not your problem. You’ve have succeeded.

You can certainly have readers in your grip if you write suspense or intrigue. That may not be easy if you write non-fiction, unless you are writing exposes. Most of the books I read are non-fiction and in most instances I keep reading. Suspense may have something to do with it. Humor added to any book can achieve the same result. It may even give you an added advantage in your novel. As you read one book after another, you will notice that without exception, the good writing is such because of the humor that is added.

Teaching

Just consider two books dealing with gambling. The first is a cut and dry self-help book about that problem. The same book done with a comedic tone will probably attract more attention. Even if both books are equally read, the latter will be a better teacher because the reader will remember what he read because of the tone of the book. Even a month or two later, one reader will probably forget most if not all he read while the other who was showered with a few laughs will have the lesson in his mind for a long time afterwards.

Humor can be a powerful tool no matter what the subject matter. You can even apply this principle to a subject like nucular physics. However, you and I probably wouldn’t read either book as we probably wouldn’t understand the jokes in the one book. They’d really be “out there.”

Requisites

The final product

No matter who you are, you have a sense of humor. It just differs from one person to the next. Fortunately, each of us has one so that’s not a problem. But, there are various types as Pat may have a warped sense while Chris is a political specialist when it comes to comedy. Rene may throw out lines that are gross and disgusting but it still might be funny despite the shallowness. None of us was born with a sense of humor. A baby entering this world may have a smile on his face but he won’t laugh at Uncle Bubba’s jokes since he won’t understand them. Time will change that though.

If you are a writer or wish to be one, you will soon discover that what you write reflects who you are. If you write a novel about the CIA, you probably won’t do too good a job unless you spent some time with the bureau or did a great deal of reading. Basically, you write what you are.

You really produce what you know or at least what you research. Thus if each of us has a sense of humor and our writing reflects our own lives, there’s bound to be some laughs in what we put into our books. There’s just no escaping that.

Hence, much of what is required to be successful applies to anything that we write. It can be humorous or not but remember, without a few laughs, your book will be ordinary and humdrum. People may not want to read it. You get an edge by using your ability to entertain when you can.

Intelligence

There’s a definite correlation between intelligence and being able to see the humor in a situation. Recall the new-born baby already discussed and you should be convinced. I hope you caught that spelling mistake a few lines ago. Hint: the word should be nuclear. Spellchecker would probably have picked it up. That may not be true in a few years. There are a few programs on the Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC) network that you may have seen: Royal Canadian Air Farce and This Hour Has 22 Minutes. Each covers news and political matters of the world, with special emphasis on Canada. If you have no knowledge of the politics of that country, you certainly won’t laugh that much at either program. Fortunately, the United States is not spared so you’ll get a few chuckles. Nevertheless, the more you know, the more you will laugh.

Perseverance and dedication

One thing you will need is to keep up the good work in your writing. It won’t be easy but eventually you will be rewarded for your efforts. I dealt with an agent for some time until I got my first book published. Even when she had six of my manuscripts and there was interest by publishers, she was very positive that my persistence would soon lead to success. Her recommendation was something I will pass on to you.

Actually, it’s more of a demand. If you want to be an author, you need to spend fifteen minutes each day writing. This does not include thinking about what you will write or marketing your books, although both are something that has to be done. It really isn’t much to ask and I will have some suggestions later to make sure you are diligent in this request.

There will be plenty of pitfalls and at times you will be disappointed and dejected. Throw them aside and continue writing. Don’t get too upset and disgruntled when people don’t answer your emails or phone calls. It’s going to happen. The hardest part may be deciding when to give up on an idea and try another. You will have to decide when to keep trying to reach someone without annoying them and losing all chances of success with them.

I was faced with just this dilemma not too long ago. I came to the point of dropping a particular individual from my email list. I had sent messages, mostly about my writing to her and wasn’t sure where I even got her address. However, I didn’t give up and sent some information about my latest book in July 2005. Not much later she sent me a reply asking about local authors for Gusto at the Gallery to be held on November 4^th. Had I discarded that email address, I would not be there that night. Moreover, I wouldn’t be writing this right now. In fact, I plan to send this blurb on Writing Humor to a few magazines for publication. Perseverance can pay off in the long run so don’t give up.

A sense of humor

I have already pointed out the value of being able to laugh. As an author, you will need this no matter what you write, fiction or non-fiction. However, because of what I pointed out earlier about perseverance, it will be a necessary requisite for your sanity and good health. Your dealings with publishers, book stores, distributors, reviewers and even other writers will demand it. You will get along better if you can laugh at some of the absurdities and lunacies in the business. Since you have a full time job, you probably will agree that humor in that situation will only help you as well.

Read all the books you can

No matter what you write, you need to get involved with books as much as possible, fiction as well as non-fiction even if you only write self-help books. You can read the newspaper but you won’t find as much truth there as in most books. You need not go to Borders or Barnes and Noble and actually purchase books to take home. I’m not suggesting that you use a five-finger discount, since I don’t want to bail you out of the slammer. However, if you haven’t read Five Finger Discount by Helene Stapinski, I recommend it for a few laughs. It’s an entertaining biography of the maturing of a journalist from New Jersey.

But I digress. Head off to the library for your supply of books. Grab as many as you can and if you can only carry three or four, bring a bag to put them in. By picking up seven books, you won’t have to worry if you begin reading one and don’t like it. Start another. If you had bought the books, you would have spent a great deal of money and gotten a book that you would never finish. Also, you won’t have to buy more bookshelves if you only borrow reading material.

The more books you read, the more you will know. Think back to that intelligence / sense of humor correlation. Reading will provide what you need as an author. Read books by Rita Rudner, Steve Martin, Mark Twain and Jim Hightower, a sample of whose writing I have included in the section, Just for laughs. I suggest picking up any book that looks interesting. You may be attracted by the title, so turn the book over and read the back cover. That will give you a good indication if you might like the book. My website, WWW.BOBCOOKS.COM has plenty of suggestions of books that I have read, some of which are subversive. I’m sure you can find something to please you. Just find the link for “reading recommendations” on the home page.

You can’t read too many books as you’ll gain a lot of knowledge if you are doing research for your books. The more you read the better will be what you write. Accuracy and creating a top-notch product is one of your goals as a writer. Along the way, you’ll learn more and be entertained as well.

I’ll again emphasize that reading newspapers and magazines is not a requisite as there’s more truth in books. I only buy a newspaper once a week on Sunday and even then I don’t read every word. From the recent events at such renowned papers as the New York Times and The Washington Post, you can see why I feel that way in this regard.

Be able to accept rejection

There have been numerous writers who were turned down by many publishers but they still wound up selling thousands of copies of their book. Don’t despair but have a positive attitude with a great deal of hope. Remember that artists always have difficult times with their craft, whether they are musicians, painters or writers.

A good example of this is the first book I had published, The Read My Lips Cookbook: A Culinary Journey of Memorable Meals. My agent pedaled it to various publishers and there were even a few that expressed some interest. However, it didn’t get into print until I took the initiative to have it self-published. If you don’t think that book has been a success even though it hasn’t sold many copies, check out the critics’ reviews as well as the words of the people who have read it on my website. From these comments, you may even want to buy it!

Remember that the number of copies of a book sold doesn’t necessary translate into success. If your book is a million seller, you may be rich, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be happy. From the way the publishing business is going today, you’ll probably have to compromise what you wrote to sell thousands of books. If you do, the book will no longer be what you wrote. If you are an artist, I don’t think you should sell your soul to make it big.

Patience

Along with perseverance and dedication, you need to be aware of the fact that you won’t be successful overnight. It will take time and effort. You won’t be able to write just one book. If by chance you do only put out a single book and it’s a million seller, you will have to write more because your fans and publisher will demand it. But you need not worry about that scenario since it won’t happen. Fortunately, you will be a better writer the more books you write.

I finished my first effort, a book about computer math in the spring of 1973. My first book that came into print in November 2002 was the cookbook, so it took a few years before I got published. Of course, I was working as a teacher, programmer analyst and software consultant during the time I wrote my books. Needless to say, I was patient and full of hope. As I mentioned, my agent said if I kept on doing what I was doing, I would be successful. She wanted me to write about ten books over the course of about ten years and I was definitely on target. Of course, she was right, although she wasn’t my agent in November 2002 when my cookbook came out.

Recommendations

Turn off the TV

You need not throw it out the window. That actually may be a good idea but you’d pollute the environment, so don’t do that. Instead of turning the set on to see if there’s anything worthwhile, at the start of the week, check the TV topics or Guide and list the programs you care to watch. Limit yourself to one “reality” show if you must watch that garbage. Then, tape the show with you VCR. If the timer on your VCR is blinking, you may need to go to the instructions that came with it or ask your son or daughter for help. They probably can guide you. By videotaping programs, you can save time as you can watch a normal half-hour program in 22 minutes. Even if the show is on public television, you will save some time.

I promised some suggestions about getting time to spend 15 minutes daily writing. Keeping the television off will give you more than enough time. Of course, you can still watch some programs. You need not stay tuned to Fox News or CNN. After all, you want the truth. All you will get there as well as watching the network news and the “news shows” will be spin and a great deal of repetition. If you must get the news, I suggest the News Hour on PBS as well as the program NOW with David Brancaccio. The former is on five days a week for one hour each day while NOW is only a half hour once a week. That time you can afford and you will be quite informed.

If you haven’t seen Everybody Hates Chris, check it out. It’s the new sitcom that Chris Rock came up with and I find it entertaining. I mentioned Royal Canadian Air Farce and This Hour Has 22 Minutes earlier but you’ll have to learn a bit about politics across the border to our north to laugh at all the jokes. You’ll also need to be able to get it on your cable station. I tried on a few occasions to watch Saturday Night Live recently but didn’t survive past 15 minutes. You might find it entertaining, though.

Back in the mid 70s when the show first came out, it was a lot funnier. It was comedy at its best. I lived about 40 miles north of New York City at the time and tried to get tickets but they just weren’t available. Fortunately I got tickets to the dress rehearsal in the afternoon. That was better since we got home at a reasonable hour even after having dinner in New York. Also we saw two hours worth of skits. The guest host was Steve Martin with Randy Newman and The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band as musical performers. All the original cast was on stage except for Chevy Chase who had already departed the show. We saw Gilda Radnor, Dan Ackroyd, John Belushi, Garrett Morris, Larraine Newman and Jane Curtin although I don’t believe Bill Murray was part of the cast at that time.

I don’t recall many of the skits but I’m sure we saw the Weekend Update. I can’t tell you what they talked about. There was a skit with the two wild and crazy guys, naturally and one with Akroyd doing President Jimmy Carter. The piece began and after a few minutes we heard a voice over the sound system saying, “Please stand by.” There was a hush and after about a minute, Akroyd in his perfect imitation of the president said, “What the blank is going on?” Only he filled in the blank! That skit was on the show later but not the ad-lib that we saw in rehearsal.

Another performer who I watch is Mark Russell and his Comedy Special. Unfortunately it hasn’t been on for some time. It’s really due. I’m sure Mark must have some great material considering all that has been happening recently in Washington, D.C. as well as in the rest of the world.

Don’t quit your day job

Unless you’re rich or retired, you will need bread on the table and a place to sleep. However, as I said earlier, if you want to be an author, you will need to spend 15 minutes each day writing. Do that every day, even on Sunday and don’t make excuses for not doing it, such as being tired.

By not altering your employment status, not only will you have food and shelter and be able to make the mortgage payments as well as car payments, you may also get more ideas for your next project. Heaven knows, I did from many years as a consultant. Managers and the business world give you an unlimited amount of material for your books. It comes with plenty of laughs so you should be able to actually sell what you write. Just be weary of lawsuits!

Don’t divorce your wife

If you’re not married, you won’t have this worry but you still have a family and friends. It’s a good idea not to lose any of these, as you need a support system. Beside, you can’t spend all your hours writing nor do you have to. Keep a balance between work, play, family and writing. It will have to be a part time thing but you can still succeed at it. This could be the reason why it took me almost thirty years to get published. However, once the initial book comes out, the others will be easier. You can even use your wife or family members as editors and proofreaders.

Specific ideas for writing humor

Go to a comedy club

Getting out to see stand-up comics could be a good diversion and give you a few laughs. Unfortunately, you might have to put up with some true amateurs and it could be boring. I have been to a few of these venues and had the pleasure of seeing Pat Paulsen at one of these clubs a few years ago. He was worth the price of admission and just as funny as he was on the Smothers Comedy Brothers Hour. For those not familiar with that program, the juxtaposition in the title is not an error.

Watch movies

You can get a few laughs by watching some good movies. You may want to stay away from the Terminator and Lethal Weapon movies despite the fact that there is some humor in them. Personally I don’t think putting up with the violence and explosions is worth waiting for the laughs, which are few and far between. There are many movies that should make you laugh and which are more entertaining. Some of my favorites are The Milagro Beanfield War, Local Hero, National Lampoon’s Vacation and Funny Farm. I’m sure you have your favorites as well.

Some flicks may not be all that humorous but there is one line that you can never forget. In the 1995 movie, Forget Paris, I like when Mickey, played by Billy Crystal is arguing with his wife Ellen, played by Debra Winger in front of two silent marriage counselors. In disgust he utters, “When do you two get involved in this, when there’s gunplay?”

Another classic moment comes in the 1981 movie Arthur when the inebriated Dudley Moore character is in a restaurant with his fiancé, played by Jill Eikenberry. She asks him to take her hand and he replies, “But that would leave you with one!”

See comedians in action

In April 2005 I had the pleasure of seeing the Smothers Brothers in concert at the Fallsview Casino in Niagara Falls, Ontario. Their show was a bundle of laughs and my only complaint was that the show was too short. Of course, they are getting up in age but aren’t we all? They needed their rest. I had seen them at Kleinhans Music Hall in Buffalo back in the late 1960s.

This recent performance reminded me of the CBS show they did in the 1960s, to which I alluded earlier. I watched it religiously. It was on Sunday wasn’t it? The only thing that disappointed me was that the show flew by. You would be sitting in front of the tube enjoying it when either Dick or Tom would say, “Well, that’s our show for this week.” I couldn’t believe an hour had already passed. Of course, that illustrated that it was a top notch event.

They got bounced from the station because of their political commentary. They were censored and you can watch the DVD about their adventures. I believe it’s called Smothered, an appropriate title. I do remember one incident when they needed to say BS, and this doesn’t refer to a bachelor of science degree. But they couldn’t utter it because of censorship. Instead they used the more hilarious phrase, el toro crappo. I’m not sure if there are two “l”s in that last word!

More recently I watched Mike Randall, the meteorologist of Channel 7 WKBW-TV in Buffalo in his presentation of Mark Twain Tonight. He does a fine job and all those present had some great laughs. I especially find reading Mark Twain rather difficult but that evening was worthwhile and I recommend it very highly.

A few summers ago I had the pleasure of seeing Gallagher at Melody Fair in Buffalo with his Sledgomatic. If you like people who smash watermelons with sledgehammers, you’ll like his show. Just don’t wear your Sunday best. It was a worthwhile evening and I only got a bit of Ragu sauce on me. Nonetheless, I really prefer his cerebral humor. He gets into some great insights and funny observations of the world around us. Fortunately, his show had some of those bits thrown in along with the splattering of food products.

About a year or two later, I was in the audience at the Erie County Fair in Hamburg for Carrot Top. He is another prop comedian with an ingenious sense of humor. My sister, niece and I were thoroughly entertained that night. If you get a chance to see him in action, don’t hesitate.

Other sources of comedy

You don’t have to pay for a ticket as you can see comedians on television as well. The Comedy Channel has movies and almost endless comedy but don’t forget your wife and kids. You can’t spend all day viewing that station. However, if you get it in your home, you can tune in every so often.

The CBC has an hour of standup comedy weekly and you may get to see some funny people. At times though, the comics resort to bathroom humor and you may not want to put up with that for an hour. One of my favorites that you may catch from time to time on that program is Russell Peters. He is Canadian and his parents or grandparents hail from India. Consequently, he can sound like an American or an Indian. Because of this, he can be hysterical. His great insight only adds to the hilarity.

You can also listen to comedians on CD. Besides the already mentioned people of humor, some of my favorites include George Carlin, Steven Wright, Bob Newhart, David Letterman, Henny Youngman, Rodney Dangerfield and Eddie Murphy. I don’t have any comedy CDs per se, but I do have some instances of humor in song by various artists in my collection of music.

Don’t try too hard

One thing you shouldn’t do is try too hard to be funny in your writing. Don’t force the humor. As you write, you should have a good idea of what will fit in with the subject matter. For example, in The Read My Lips Cookbook I added some laughs without disrupting the cookbook. Each chapter ended with a joke, but it had something to do with food. Thus, it fit. In addition I injected anecdotes that were entertaining but they were all culinary related. The comments all came from my learning experience in the kitchen and each was meant to instruct so that the cook wouldn’t have to face what I faced in my trials over a hot stove.

If you wonder if I was successful in this endeavor, listen to one of the people who bought the book. I have never met her but her comments are on my website and on my flyers. She said, “I got a kick out of it...couldn't put it down until I finished it.” Keep in mind that her words are about a cookbook. Lois Marie Gibbs of Love Canal fame and author of Love Canal: The Story Continues described it as “a great, funny cookbook.”

Don’t tell jokes

If you want to “write humor,” you must remember that as an author you need a subject to write about. The humor will come later, once you make that first decision about a topic. My latest work, for seeing eye dogs only may be a humorous look at missing intelligence but it is first and foremost about the dumb things that people do. Fortunately as you can see from some of the excerpts that I have included below, they just happen to be funny.

That will be true no matter what you write. The second book I wrote but didn’t completely finish was also intended to be funny but it was about language, specifically our English language and all its expressions and sayings. In fact some of that book was incorporated into my latest book since it fit quite well. Nonetheless, anything that you write can be funny and entertaining but it needs to have a topic. You can’t laugh if you haven’t got something substantial to chuckle at. I know I shouldn’t end a sentence that way but what the heck!

You really shouldn’t tell jokes or one-liners in your writing. They probably won’t work. Of course you may be able to squeeze in some laughter at an appropriate moment, provided it fits. To convey humor, you don’t have to crack a joke. Recall what I said about putting who you are into your book and you can see that conveying hilarity may actually come quite easily for you.

Don’t ask for comments

I had been in the habit of asking people what they thought of my books. I changed that, as it really isn’t necessary and probably not a good idea for a couple reasons. First, people will tell you anyway without solicitation, so save your energy. You’ll need it for writing. This spontaneous response will have more value because it will be honest and forthright. It’s really what you want to hear. High praise may be great but criticism will make you a better writer.

Second, if you ask someone for his four cents (you need to consider inflation here), he may patronize you and not really tell you what he thinks. Also, he may not even have read the book. In either case, the feedback won’t benefit you at all.

Even if someone is a professional reviewer, be patient and don’t ask if they are through with your book. They’ll let you know in good time. You won’t like to hear this but it takes quite a while to get back comments for your books, even if they are only 120 pages. I found that out with my first few books. However, in time they did get reviewed.

If you ask people for comments because of marketing purposes, this poses a huge problem. If you send someone the book because you want it promoted, the recipient won’t be able to make any kind of decision unless she at least opens it. Of course, she can’t just stop there either. But that poses a dilemma. As I said, it’s a tough business.

Just for laughs

Excerpts from for seeing eye dogs only

Before proceeding, I should add that I changed the names of those involved in the book for a few reasons. You can read about that in the introduction but I created names that I thought you might find more humorous. Also, my comments follow in italics.

Congress allocated $19 million to examine the amount of methane gas emitted from cow flatulence.

I don’t think the problem should be blamed on the cows.

“I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” - President Pas dePotatoes

And he wonders why his grocery bills are so high.

The instruction “Do not use while sleeping,” can be found on a Sears’ hairdryer.

I was wondering why my hair looked so disgusting after I awoke in the morning. All the time I thought my wife had something to do with it.

“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”

For those of you single women, you can rummage for a mate.

Question in court: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?

Answer: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Is that between second and third gear?

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for three days.

It would have taken longer than three days if the staff at the hospital were the passengers.

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call

the local township administrative office to request the removal of

the deer crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer

were being hit by cars and he didn’t want them to cross there

anymore.

It’s good to see that someone is concerned about wildlife!

Not long ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to

steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in

getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for

a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming

towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on

the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was

inflated. These individuals are no longer employed at Boeing.

“Politics” is the phrase we use in this country to describe the process so well. In Latin, “poli” means “many” and “tics” is another name for bloodsucking creatures.

That word fits perfectly.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients. He went up Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. He died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

The above is from the mouth of a child and not a congressman.

According to the Washington Post of June 6, 1996, Harry Numnetz, 19, and an alleged accomplice, were arrested in West

Lafayette, Indiana the previous month on theft and fraud charges.

Numnutz allegedly cashed checks that he had written with

disappearing ink, apparently believing the checks would be blank

by the time they were presented to the bank for collection.

However, traces of ink remained and police said Numnutz would

have had a better chance of getting away with his plan if he had

not used pre-printed checks with his name and account number

on them.

He should have used stolen checks.

You’ve heard the expression, “He comes from a broken home.” I guess that’s what you get for living in San Francisco. One of the features of that house is a sunken living room, although yesterday it wasn’t. Talking about homes brings to mind real estate and the house on the lake with 3 bedrooms and 2 1/2 baths. Who are the people that need that 1/2 bath? Maybe it’s good if you get a visit from your half brother. Then again it may just be the result of a broken home.

I conclude with questions found in the final chapter.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?

If I am playing horseshoes and throw a ringer, why don’t I hear bells? Maybe it’s a dead ringer.

Are you in the wrong church if the person at the pulpit does a reading from the book of “suburbs?”

If I’m “put through the wringer,” should the setting be permanent press?

If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

What do you call male ballerinas?

This last question will be answered in the sequel.

Unintelligent design

This last piece was created by Jim Hightower. You may be interested in his books.

“Intelligent design” is the latest buzzword of the right-wing, Bible thumping cultists who keep pushing to Christianize our public schools. But I ask you: How intelligent is the design of our world, really?

Well, why teach only two beliefs? I submit that our world is pretty chaotic, often reflecting neither intelligence nor progressive evolution. “Unintelligent Design” is my theory. For example, here in Texas, we can get six inches of rain in an hour, then go six weeks without a drop. First we’re drowned, then we’re parched. Who planned this? Or, take tornadoes – does God hate trailer-park people? Why not hit some of those rich, gated compounds every once in a while?

Why are there ticks and mosquitoes? Dogs are good, but why must they drool and have bad breath? Why haven’t we evolved beyond the madness of war? And here’s a big one: Why would an intelligent designer produce Tom Delay?

WWW. HIGHTOWERLOWDOWN.ORG